...the regurgitator of my memes. This site is the middle part, not necessarily center, in between beginnings and ends both happening somewhere else...

...thoughts. I report on things that interest me. But its not always reporting that happens in these pages. Sometimes I need to rant; thus the excessive use of expletives. It feels easier for me to YELL MY FUCKING HEAD OFF AT THE WORLD!!!! BEcause in reality I can't because I am afraid...

...an active participant in culture instead of merely being consumers. In other words if we ignore these things what has always happened (that is, our continued existence as the commodity in a market of eyeballs) will continue to happen. And we haven't even begun discussing wether its right or wrong...

...And I do seriously want to graduate get a job. I think.

I love my mom, at any rate. Though she kills me with her attempts to help me. Should I tell her of these thoughts? I don't think so. Its bad enough that she has a heart condition, its even worse when you think about...

There. Do you get it?

I don't write intellectually. I write expressively. I don't claim to be accurate, fair or thorough. I don't wanna get stuck on certain topics. Though I sometimes do. But not that often. I'd like to expand. I wanna write more poems. But I'll only upload them if they're good. I only rant about my life's hardships if it will rescue just a little bit of my sanity. I'm saner than I make myself out to be, though.

If I am an OS kernel, and I just had a kernel dump, I'd imagine that the text in this blog is what it would more or less look like.

   

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Please don't forget the December 26 2004 tragedy too soon...

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3/1/2004
Rainy day poetry upload

On a rainy day I feel mellow. Especially since I'm listening to the cool sounds of Prambors.

I[...], wherever you are, if you're reading this please don't get me wrong. I never wanted to embarras you, much less hurt you (but of course I was too stupid to know better:0). And I can never, ever hate you, because all I feel and have ever felt has always been in my mind and has always been my creation. You have never done anything to make me hate you. Ever.

You must be sick of hearing all my apologies, and with that thought I had always meant the following to be my last one to you. I can never say that I'm over you and be true, I realise and accept that now. And I also accept that, for all my misguided perceptions and obsessions, we can never be.

Whatever; Keep kool, girl!:) dan,... BURUAN LULUS!!!! hehehehe....

Apologia

Ku berterima kasih padamu
atas cinta yang telah kau ilhami
walau kau tak berbagi dalamnya.

Ku berterima kasih padamu
atas pilu yang tergores dalam hati
berbentu pengalaman indah yang berharga.

Ku meminta maaf padamu
beban rasaku padamu kulempari
walau kau tak pernah menangkapnya.

Ku meminta maaf padamu
kesempatanmu tak pernah kuberi
walau sang waktu banyak adanya.
Engkau benar.
(Kawan.)
Cinta terindah
kala kau tau
ia juga merasakannya.

Dan cinta terpahit
kala cintamu
tak kau ungkap padanya.

Dan kini.
Ku berterimakasih pada Tuhan.
Pada Alam.
Sahabat, Keadaan, Waktu!
Atas pelajaran
yang belum selesai kuselami
akan Indahnya hidupku ini....

Amin.

Kamis, 6 Maret 2003
8.57 bbwi
Kembangan, Jakarta Barat


PS.: Ku juga minta maaf padamu
atas rasa sakit yang kurasa kaurasakan,
walau kini kurasa hanya ada dalam
rasaku saja:)

Posted at 2:17:29 pm by ferdikom98

 

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