Sometimes I just spend hours looking at your Y!M status indicator, seeing it as online. All that time wondering wether I should just say something already. BUt that part of my past I intend to keep in my past. I don't want to bother you anymore. But I'd get soooo lonely sometimes. Like now. Just typing this for a long, long time and not once pressing enter. I'm not gonna press enter this time, no.

I'm just gonna post it at my blog :p

From Jiffest 2006:

How many script ideas can you think of in the next 48 hours?

We’re very sure that at least you've got one.

And that one can be the one you will see on a big screen, after being developed with international filmmakers into a successful script.

This is your only chance to make your dreams come true.

Login to www.jiffest.org and send your ideas before OCTOBER 15th, 2006.

It's either this time, or never.

I'd dispute the "or never" part, but for the rest...

About two weeks ago or more, at October 2nd to be exact, Chuo Senko Indonesia posted a job opening ad at Kompas, asking interested applicants to reply "within a week from (that day)" with a "CV or a love note" to its hr department's email. I chose to send the following love letter, addressed to Advertising.

Personally it reflects to me my somewhat egoistic love-hate relationship with the industry. After sending it, I agree with Papabear's assertion that my "copywriting is rather suicidal." To my career, that is. Too bloody honest for its own good.

Anyway, the letter...

Dear Advertising.

....

You know, Advertising this is sick. I mean, you've dumped me twice and now you're asking me out again? I mean, we've been at this twice, and both times I had to propose to you hundreds of times before you took me again. Twice! And now you want me to come back to you again?!

(And to think that you had to go through Chuo Senko to send me your message; you don't even have the nerve to talk to me face to face.)

Indonesian Foreign Affairs Dept. already asked me out again. I mean, I know that she's a bitchy whore who loves to play hard to get, but at least she's available. Now. And she doesn't play me like a kite. From the start she has already named her price. From the begining I...

....

Heheh. Yeah I know its funny. Me trying to blow you off like this. I mean, if I really don't want to talk to you, then like what am I doing right now, right? Me, the stalker always in your shadow. The one always chasing you. The one that fooled you twice. Heh.

The one who spent two years just trying to get your attention. The one who spent six years trying to learn everything I possibly can to understand what makes you tick. I was so happy those few times you actually gave me the time of day, back when I was studying you. A poster here, a flyer there. We even made music together back then, before we actually got together. Remember that?

...

Look. You know I love you. And I know you do too.

Even though you don't always realise it. Even though we've had it rough so many times. You know I still love you, too. So if you want to give it one more shot, then okay I'll give it a try. I'll give us one more chance.

But from the start I gotta tell you, and you've got to realise this, we're not always gonna see each other eye to eye. We've been here before. You should know that by now. I know you demand a lot, and I fully realise that you have every right to those demands. But baby, let's do it diferently this one time, okay? You know that I give it a hundred and ten percent when it comes to making you happy, but you gotta realise that I'm still learning.

I mean, cut me some slack, will ya? Every time you tell me to jump I always ask how high. And then you yell at me for not knowing how high?!? Honey no matter what you may have heard, people can't read minds. Intuition is not mind reading. Even mind readers admit that they can't be 100 percent sure of their predictions. I know I never tell you this, but that's because in my mind I just want you to be happy. So I'll tell you what: from now on, I promise you that whatever I need to learn, whatever I need to do to find out just exactly what it is that you want of me, I'll try as hard as humanly possible to find out without asking you, but you gotta realise that at some point of time, baby you just have to clue me in.

On the other hand, I do realise that I can't take you for granted. I know that sometimes it seems like it, and I admit I do make my fair share of mistakes but.... naah, no buts this time. I've made my mistakes. I'm sorry. I'll try harder this time.

Okay, let's give this a shot. You name the place, you name the time. We'll meet, then we'll talk. We'll even keep this thing open, if you want. What I'm saying is, just to be sure that you're sure, we'll talk and then we'll see if we really want to do it again this time. If we're still right for each other. I don't want to be trapped in a bad relationship anymore than you do. Anyways, I'll talk to you later, okay?

Love,
Ferdi.

PS.: To Chuo Senko, I know you don't know me that well, but Advertising and me we have some history together. We've hooked up twice before, once with New Flava at Kemang, and the second time with Lingkom Ad. at Mampang. I don't know just how much she's told you about me but believe me I am right for her. Just make sure she gets this letter intact okay?

And just in case she has burned everything that reminds her of me (she tend to do that every time), tell her that my cell number is still 0815.9206664, and that my ferdikom98@gmail.com address is still active. My home number is (021)5801029, if she asks.

And while your at it, can you tell her to visit one of my several web sites? They're at:

• http://lemi4.blogdrive.com
• http://lemi4.deviantart.com
• http://wacanaisme.blogspot.com

Just to show her that I still think of her even after she dumped me.

Oh, and thanks for being such a good friend to Advertising. I appreciate your doing this for her, as I'm sure she is too.

BTW, did she mention that I'm looking for a job? As a full-time copywriter preferably, but seeing as how cutthroat the industry is nowadays, I'd settle for an apprenticeship if offered. Freelancing doesn't pay much when all you do is small stuffs and you don't have the right connection. If you could just pass the word around I'd much appreciate it.

I know that you heard I've done some Art Directing but I don't feel like doing that kind of thing anymore. Well unless I'm asked again, anyways.

My full name is Ferdinand F. Zebua, in case it hasn't been mentioned already. And if you need it I have a .pdf portfolio uploaded here , but its kind of old. Be sure to contact me if you want an updated one.

And once again thanks for all the trouble, I truly appreciate it. You're doing us both a favor, Advertising and me, really.

(At second reading, the letter seems a bit long-winded, doesn't it?)

Anyways, if you've read all the way here then thanks, and if you're interested a newer version of my .pdf portfolio is available here. There's also a link to it at my sidebar, if you can find it (hehe).

Lies, All Damned Lies!!!

Nobody really needs anything, thus you can sell anything to anyone if you fool them properly enough.

And that, IMFHO, is severely fucked up.

Here we are, in a world where everyone is trying their hardest to fuck everyone over for money. Everyone's playing mind games with each other. Everyone wants to be on top. Everyone else must be subjugated.

There is no such thing as "why can't we all just get along?", a damaging myth that eats at your soul until you become one of them. Another mindless drone in the sea of mindless capitalistic consumers. Everyone wants everything, and nothing shall stop anyone lest it suffers.

Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.

Well you know something, world? Fuck you. You ain't taking nothing from me.

Ass.

I wish I was a punk rocker (with flowers in my hair)
Performed by Sandi Thom
Written by Sandi Thom & Tom Gilbert
Viking Legacy Records, October 3, 2005

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when god saved the queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mom and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

A stupid realisation: applying to the Department of Foreign Affairs is not an automated process. Its not a lightweight process that you can shove to a minor thread while sumultaneously process other directives. Its a CPU hog that has to interrupt your main. I mean, one would imagine that you should be able to prepare those diploma photocopies, color-coded document folders, medical checkups, inspection by Department of Labor, clean record from the Police, etc., while leisurely doing a user manual and looking for Ad. Industry gigs, either freelance, full-time and anywhere in between, right?

...

I want to be a radio DJ for KIS FM.

...

update 10:16 AM 10/5/2006: Correction: I want to become a member of the KIS AirForce at KIS FM 95.1 Jakarta. Now that I have that info, how do I get there?

I'm making this list o' links in preparation of my installation of Ubuntu 6.06. Note that I'm making this list for me, so they may be quite technical, they may be in heavy English, they may be in heavy Indonesian, etc. Usual visitors of the mind-Dumpster, you have been warned ;)

• DistribusiDvdReposUbuntu, from wiki.ubuntu-id.org. A wiki detailing instructions on how to buy DVDs containing most of the official Ubuntu package repositories (in WinSpeak: application downloads). Useful in Indonesia, and other places where Internet access is more expensive than heck. In Indonesian.
• Ubuntu-id.org, a bunch of Indonesian Ubuntu enthusiasts. The originator of the above. Also in Indonesian.
• FREN, Ngenet yuukkss...... To get CDMA cellphone-modems to work in Ubuntu using WVDial. Also in Indonesian.
• Planet Ubuntu-id. An aggregator of postings from a few Indonesian Ubuntu enthusiasts. Mostly written in a thick mix of English, Indonesian, Geek-Hacker-L33t soup.
• Installing Ubuntu from Psychocats. A guide to install Ubuntu, with a focus on getting it to dual-boot with a previously installed Windows XP system. With screenshots (yay!)

That last discovery confirmed that I can safely nuke my Mandrake 10.0 install, which dual-boots with my WinXP production system (which I use for my professional freelance work), without understanding LILO or GRUB. I'm just that teeny-weeny bit closer to finally dual-booting my system with Ubuntu. Real Soon Now™...

Oh! And I almost forgot: FirefoxNewVersion -- instructions from the Official Ubuntu Wiki on how to install the Mozilla Foundation's version of Firefox in Ubuntu.

Its been a while since I last touched a Mac. About two months, I think.

August 25th. On my last day at Lingkom. Man, that was quite a sudden dismissal. Can’t exactly say I didn’t saw it coming though. But not so soon…

The argument goes that in the four months I was there I should have learned more than I have. But there’s the problem of my not doing anything but basic layouting. On me not coming to any photo session. On me not given anything new to learn. About art directing. Just small thingies…

And here I am. At a creative boutique at Kelapa Gading doing freelance copywriting. Supposedly to have a brainstorming session for a direct-mail and print-ad to promote some new fever syrup for kids. It turns out the quotation wasn’t approved so the project’s been put on hold. But no fear! There’s still this company profile that’s ready to go and we can brainstorm that. Tomorrow!

(To think that it takes Rp50 grand of gas for a round trip from home to here) (I really should go by bus; which at average workday traffic would mean about two hours on the road) (But it’d be waaay cheaper than taking the car here) (sigh)

Anyways, ain’t it cool that I’m writing a blog post using a Mac G5 running the OS X version of MS Word 2004?

Free internet; at least that’s about worth 50 grand, right?

So… to earn my keep, what can I talk about for a pagefull about an anti-fever syrup for kids?

Update Oct. 4, 2006 : See those strange question-marks at strange places? I used MS Word. I've read in the past that Word converts some punctuation marks into invalid characters when published to web. Here's proof, I guess.

Ok Rules, so I took my sweet time trying to develop a 9/11 article and came up with zilch. So instead, how 'bout some conspiracy theories? Hehe :p

CPNS Deplu 2006. The Indonesian Departement of Foreign Affairs has again started its annual recruitment. Mirror here.